I wrote this blog back in March, 2012 when I practiced Bikram Yoga religiously. Back then I saw the relationship between yoga and your word - A fine art if you'd like to pursue it in life! To this day, it’s still the only exercise - the meditation, the mental and physical challenge - which gets me out of bed. I’m sharing it here because I’m sure others can relate (I had a tear in my eye re-reading this after so many years). I also see how your yoga practice closely reflects your journey in your personal finances. In my yoga post, I wrote that my anger (at myself) shows up in my body as mouth ulcers, and I know a friend who bites all her finger nails off when she’s under financial stress. So there are some physical implications on how money worries manifests & shows in your body. Interesting isn't it?
I’ll be speaking more about this at an event on Wed, 1 June, 2016. The details are at the bottom of this blog - but in the meantime, please enjoy my yoga post.
One Angry Bird – the Healing of the Hot Room
I tossed and turned, and managed to con myself out of going to Bikram. It’s a Sunday afternoon, and one of my favourite teacher is teaching the 4pm class. Even my partner asked whether I was going. I tossed again. And then some spirited stick poked me out of bed… Without resistance, I just got changed and got going. I arrived and signed in… then I mentioned to my teacher that I am so angry at myself. That I nearly didn’t come! Until I just got myself out of bed and said “You’re Going, Fay!”
So whilst in the hot room as I was preparing, I was kneeling in front of the mirror… and there as I played with the threads of my towel, a thought raised to the surfaced and I realised that I’ve been angry at myself. In fact for years I’ve been angry at myself. Tears swelled and dropped to the floor.
The damaging conversations I’ve had with myself, the failures that I deem I am, the fear and suppression I feel. Furthermore it’s so inauthentic to be angry and harbour such pain inside myself. I remember making a promise not to be upset at myself or anyone… and here I am being the bitch of beration to me! In fact it’s alright being angry at something or even myself, but what is really vindictive is the punishment I give myself, through critical thoughts, judgmental opinions, and believing that I am unworthy. Not worthwhile, Not deserving, Unsuccessful – it’s a constant reminder.
(And this is even before class has even started…..Now to show some compassion I told myself to just take it easy eventhough I was in the front row!)
And do you know how the punishment shows up for me in reality? Mouth Ulcers. For a few long months now, I have had mouth ulcers, when two of them heal up, another two appears on the other side of the mouth with one usually in the most precarious positions under the back of the tongue, and it’s unrelenting. It hurts when I eat something too salty, or sweet, or sour. And even brushing my teeth is painful if a bristle pokes onto the ulcer! Ouch!!! I’ve even changed toothbrushes and toothpaste to no avail. I have read that stress does cause mouth ulcers…. and what better form of subtle, yet painful punishment for the self? I can’t even nourish myself without discomfort.
And so I realised and released what is the punishing stabs at myself that I’m relentless about. What a lesson from the mirror at Bikram.I shared this story with my teacher after class, and felt completely understood and relieved, and in turn she also shared her own experience with me. And for that I am grateful for the hot room of healing.
So what did you think? Can you see the link between the grapple within yourself & the process by which if you allow it to surface, is a beautiful lesson? The journey of Personal Finances will also take you through hoops and leaps & bounds. Think about your thoughts about money: how does it relate to your thoughts about yourself? And how do you start discovering this process? Well by doing. It's only in the yoga room, doing yoga, that this process is uncovered. So it's only in the doing of your finances, that you'll start peeling back your own patterns. Start to track your spend, know where your money goes (or doesn't go), start putting emergency funds aside, notice your habits with shopping or food, listen to your reasons and justifications which you use to let yourself off the hook.
Let me show you how you can do this...join me at my free workshop in conjunction with lululemon athletica (DFO Moorabbin, Melbourne) on Wed, June 1.