Long story short - I don't commit to myself enough. Full stop. If I look at where my money goes as a barometer for what I’m committed to - it’s not to the betterment of me, as Fay the individual. Not towards me as a mum, a biz owner, a part-time freelancer, a household engineer, but just for me.
This is what I’ve discovered:
- What you spend your time & money on says about you
- When you don’t win as a person, your business (or your life) doesn’t win
- Put mummy guilt aside & take care of yourself - a hard one to do, I know!
I do struggle accepting the worthiness of me. I'm literally in tears of joy whilst typing this (in the car).
This morning I nearly talked myself out of going to a Bikram Yoga session. I thought maybe I’ll do a walk around the park instead, it’ll be free! Plus I don’t have 90 minutes to spare not to mention the time needed in getting to class beforehand, and then the shower & winding down afterwards.
But something in me made me go – I had already been hydrating myself 2 days beforehand plus my back is spasm-ing and I need just to be in the hot room.
Let’s say I heard my mind on loud speaker at the beginning of class - I discovered my mummy guilt (“What if daycare calls and I can’t get to the phone?”), my angst (“I hope hubby’s got his set of car keys for his meeting because I took the other set, shall I get out and check”), and then finally a I told myself to shut up (“Fay, no one is going to die even if hubby were to miss his meeting cos he’s got no keys, so shut up and do the class for 90 minutes!”).
And during class, the answer came to me – that I really don’t dedicate time & money just for me, my mental health & my body temple. I’m not talking about getting my nails done, but yoga for me is like a masterclass with Spirit. Things beyond what I think comes into my being. And I’ve been starving myself of that. It's suffocating, yet whilst in class I felt focused & refreshed.
So after class I had a chat with the yoga teacher and I just had to bite the bullet. It's a small step but it's a big step - I bought a 10 pass for $180!! It's got a 6 month expiry and seriously my head went to "have you looked at how many classes I've been to in the last 6 months?" (Like 3). The teacher gave me a look, and I knew it's now or I walk back out to my reasons.
I love how Bikram Yoga is really an access to the integrity of my life and how I live it well. And I'd be a fraud hosting a FB Group called “Living Well with Budgeting123” if I say I live well but such an important part of it is missing!
So I'll trim the fat somewhere else - pardon the budgeting pun - whilst it comes off my body! I’m gonna speak to hubby about Wednesday evening yoga sessions as a favourite teacher of mine will be teaching.
And so in the return to myself, I know that my money needs to be where my commitment is. Money in this case is my vehicle to fuel my spirit in the activities I do to contribute to myself and to others. Enough about saving the money to spend on the biz cos if there's no Fay, there's no Budgeting123.
So thank you for reading & for letting me share my vulnerability with you. It's been quite a ride!
If you’d like to join me in a journey towards your own Living Wellness, please join us at my FB community – Living Well with Budgeting123.